Debaucheryball

Q: When is a game not a game? A: When there are no rules.

Q2: How is a game the best game ever? A: Making up the rules as you go.

What is Debaucheryball?

Known around the world by various names as Bitchyball, Bongoball, Bocce Bowl and Horseballs, the essence of the game is to drink heroic quantities of beer and have fun outslinging your opponents and screwing them six ways from Sunday whenever the opportunity presents itself. Dirty pool is par for the course. You don’t like it? Go join a bocce ball league.

Using bocce balls, debaucheryball combines horseshoes, golf, Calvinball, and quarters into one game. The only real rule is that you make up the rules as you go, but essentially, there are eight big balls and one little one. The little one is the target. The object is to get your balls closer than your opponents. And then you make up the rules as you go.

Bill Watterson informally introduced Generation X to debaucheryball via Calvin and Hobbes’ game “Calvinball.” Click here to see the full story.

The Playing Field

Any shallow water, grassy, or sandy area where open containers of alcohol are not prohibited (or at least not aggressively enforced) is a good playing field. Obstacles such as trees, rocks, embankments, playground equipment, picnic tables, or similarly irritatingly obtuse structures are encouraged. Areas of pavement, asphalt, poison ivy, parked cars, and pricker bushes are discouraged. A nearby bathroom or semi-private place to urinate is highly recommended.

Typically, the game is played in the public parks and campgrounds, but modern debaucheryball can be and has been played successfully in the dark with a glow-in-the-dark target ball and flashlights, in inner-city backyards, on public playgrounds, in the Caribbean Sea, and in the Zumbro River.

The Balls

Regulation bocce balls are preferred (because they’re so cool, heavy, and consistent) but truly, anything will work. This game is not about rules, but about who can throw something at something else and have it be closer than someone else’s closest throw, dig? Use whatever you want: conch shells, rocks, sticks, Frisbees, tennis balls, anything that can be thrown works just fine. Some true affectionadoes have made their own balls.*

Bocce balls, however, tend to be the most fun. They’re satisfyingly heavy, cool to the touch, and break things more often than they break themselves. Plus, people stop and watch when you’re using proper bocce balls. When you’re throwing beercans, for example, you typically don’t draw much of a crowd.

That said, strive for roundish, heavy objects about the size of a small grapefruit, and marked by color or pattern. A cheap bocce set will run you $50 tops. Or make your own out of…? The target or object ball (called the jack or pallino) can be absolutely anything, but preferably a regulation-sized object ball from a bocce set. Tennis balls work okay. Racquetballs too.

When craving a game but several thousand miles away from our bocce balls, we improvised.

Scouring the flotsam and jetsam at Rocky Point, Ambergis Caye, Belize, we found suitable hunks of coral and conch shells and a wee little water-saturated hunk of plywood for a pallino and played in the knee-deep, shark- and ray-infested water of the Carribean sea.

The tour guides (in the boat, smoking rope) thought we were nuts.

Other Items

A tape measure is a good idea. Implements such as Frisbees, basketballs, footballs, pink bunny slippers, women’s dresses, etc. are not required but come in VERY handy when choosing an “unfair rule.”

Flashlights are good to have so the game doesn't necessarily have to quit just because it's dark. You still throw by ear, it's just easier to find the balls with a little help.

The Spirit vs. the Letter

Debaucheryball originated as a way to pass the time while skipping work and drinking beer. As with traveling, it’s not the destination that’s so important, but the journey: “A good debaucheryball player has no set strategy and is not intent on winning.” Let the competition be the fun, and save the trophies for professional bowling.

Remember that the information here is only a guideline to get you started, and that the true spirit of debaucheryball is that it’s never the same game twice.

Good luck, and happy slinging.

*An open letter to aficionados

Don’t fear the game just because it’s different. Humans fear what they don’t understand. Buy a case of beer, find a playground, and have at it.

By the way, true devotees of the game of debaucheryball (a.k.a. 'bauch'yball) are called “affectionadoes.”

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* Debaucheryball.com accepts no duty or responsibility for those who choose to drink and drive in the course of playing debaucheryball. The best games are always played in conjuction with a sleepover of some sort--camping, for example. Choose a designated driver if you plan to enjoy sophisticated adult refreshments, and drink responsibly. Thanks.

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Last Updated November 2006